


Aim Straight

by CamCamx3



Category: Metro 2033 & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual editing just... riding the high of finishing a fic for once in my life, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, No editing we roughing this out like men, Pavel deserves to be happy, Slight Canon Divergence, content warnings in notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:15:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26575870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CamCamx3/pseuds/CamCamx3
Summary: There's a lot that happens in the Metro. Can one even remember it all? How does one remember each face that passes them by? How many times they've fought tooth and nail to survive to see the next day? How many they've lost to the darkness surrounding them?Pavel remembers. He could never forget; he won't ever forget. As long as his heart beats, he'll always remember everything about the one he loved with all his being.But can they remember him?
Relationships: Pavel Morozov/OC, Pavel Morozov/Original Male Characters
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Don't Let Me Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warning: Implied Underage Sex (16/18 [that's basically a kid to me nowadays sooo, yeah]), Implied Homophobia, Violence against Minors
> 
> Appropriate Skips to avoid above content:  
> Implied Underage Sex: Skip to 2nd line break after 1st line break  
> Implied Homophobia: Stop at (1) and skip to (2)  
> Violence against Minors: Skip to 3rd line break after 2nd line break

I remember the day it happened. We were so young and foolish. It had been a culmination of cockiness on Pavel’s part and my trust in him that resulted in a harsh turn of events for the both of us. I can’t blame Pavel, not because of how I feel about him but because I know he wasn’t in the wrong. He loved me despite knowing it was against our odds to keep our relationship out of the scrutinizing gaze of the superiors. They watched him like a hawk watched for the right moment to swoop down for prey; any mistake, any question of his loyalty for the Red Line would cost him— no, cost _us._ Pavel was smart and he was cunning, but he blundered. It didn’t help that I did too.

* * *

“Pavel this isn’t a good idea—” 

“When do you care about good ideas, _malysh_?” Pavel had Rodnikov pinned to the wall of the locker room, his breath hot against his neck. His teeth gently sank into the tender flesh, a small gasp following soon after from his lips. Rodnikov pushed against Pavel’s chest, trying to stop Pavel from continuing. 

“Please, Pavel, stop and think for just a moment!” Rodnikov quietly pleaded, his back arching as Pavel’s hand began to trace down his bare back. This wasn’t the first time that Pavel had been brash about the two’s intimacy, but usually it was more secretive and less risky. “Someone could walk in—”

“No one uses these showers except the late night watches,” Pavel said as he moved to be face to face with Rodnikov. His left hand brushed gently against Rodnikov’s cheek, his thumb coming to rest against his bottom lip. “I swear, no one will come and find us. I haven’t been wrong yet, have I, _solnyshko_?” His tone was soft, barely speaking above a whisper, but his words still held a solid conviction that he was right. A small giggle came from Rodnikov as a smile formed, a glint of excitement in his eyes. Pavel knew that look very well and that his words were about to be used against him.

“ _Solnyshko_? When was the last time you saw the sun? You’re getting paler by the day!” Pavel’s hand tightened on Rodnikov’s jaw as he laughed, his other hand coming to grasp Rodnikov’s waist. 

“You never miss a chance to be smart, do you?” Without pause Pavel pushed his lips against Rodnikov’s, his grip on his jaw keeping him in place. Pavel was always tender at first, but give just a small taste and he became hungrier. Rodnikov’s hands drifted off of Pavel’s chest down towards the edge of Pavel’s towel wrapped around his waist. In response, Pavel moved his hands to lift Rodnikov up, albeit a bit clumsily. Pavel always wanted to be the “tougher” one between the two, but he was still a bumbling mess of a teenage boy most of the time. Rodnikov moved his arms to wrap around Pavel’s neck, one hand moving to brush against Pavel’s buzz cut hair. A faint murmur could be heard from outside the locker room, but neither of the two paid it any attention.

Pavel shifted and moved Rodnikov to the mostly solid bench in the middle of the room, trying his best to gently place them atop it. Rodnikov grunted softly as his head knocked against the aged wood, his fingers digging into Pavel’s skin from the mild pain. Pavel broke away for a moment, an apology flashing over his face with a warm smile in his eyes. Rodnikov giggled again, rubbing his fingers over the skin he had dug into in return. With Pavel now on top of him, it was blaringly obvious how excited Pavel was currently, his lower body grinding against Rodnikov’s. “Are you really sure that this is safe?” Rodnikov whispered, caution beginning to fall from the forefront of his mind as Pavel ran his hand down the contours of Rodnikov’s chest. Pavel let out a small sigh before looking deep into Rodnikov’s eyes.  
  
“I promise, with all my heart.” Pavel placed a short kiss on Rodnikov’s lips before placing one hand over his heart. “If anything happens, you know I’ll always protect you.” Rodnikov glanced to the scar over Pavel’s chest, the memory not as faded as the scar had become. Pavel watched as Rodnikov made the face he always did when he was really thinking about something: his left brow furrowed more than the right one and he chewed at his left cheek. Pavel repositioned himself over Rodnikov, awkwardly placing Rudnikov’s head against his chest so that he could hear his heartbeat. “You hear that? As long as it beats, I will protect you, _lyubov’ moy_ .”  
  
Rodnikov blushed at the statement Pavel gave, but a devilish grin soon took over his features. “You didn’t need to put my ear to your heart to feel your heartbeat, ‘ _lyubov’ moy’_. Or perhaps, you wanted to feel mine?” Pavel sat upright with an unabashed smile, eliciting a small moan from Rodnikov as he pushed some of his weight back onto Rodnikov’s crotch. 

“And if that is what I wanted…?” Pavel began absentmindedly tracing the contours of Rodnikov’s chest again as he impishly eyed Rodnikov, waiting for him to give consent to go further. Rodnikov pulled himself a bit away from Pavel so he could sit upright. Pavel watched as Rodnikov snaked one arm around his side, feeling his fingers run up and down his back as the other hand tugged around the edge of his towel. Rodnikov leaned his head against Pavel’s shoulder, his breath tickling his neck as he gave his answer.  
  
“You should have just asked.”

* * *

(1) Rodnikov’s body connected harshly with the tiles of the locker room floor, his shoulder flaring in pain as it took most of the impact from being thrown. There was a harsh ringing in his ears as his vision tried to correct itself but it didn’t get a chance as a boot roughly slammed into his stomach. Rodnikov coughed violently as all the air in his lungs rushed out, bile threatening to come up as well. He rolled onto his stomach to protect himself from more harm. The reverbing sound of Pavel’s shouting in between his crying and someone else’s were incomprehensible to Rodnikov, their words drowned out by the immense pain surging through his body. Someone tightly grabbed Rodnikov’s arm and yanked him up off the floor.  
  
“Stand up, you vile cretin! On your feet or we’ll drag you out unconscious!” The voice was so close it echoed amongst the ringing in Rodnikov’s ears, his entire body tensing at the intrusiveness of the words. Rodnikov shakily got to his feet, his knees buckling as his stomach rolled and a wave of nausea swept over him. The hand on his arm yanked again, sending Rodnikov toppling back down onto his knees. A swift smack to the back of Rodnikov’s head sent another rush of pain through his senses. Rodnikov’s eyes tried to shut even more than he already was, hoping that would alleviate some of the suffering he was enduring. The voice yelled again but all Rodnikov could hear was ringing, the words failing to properly shape into something understandable. Tears and snot ran down Rodnikov’s face as he tried once again to stand properly. Another hand grasped Rodnikov’s free arm and Rodnikov could feel two hands plant themselves firmly against his back. With that, Rodnikov was pushed forward as if to signal to walk. Rodnikov braved to open his eyes, frantically trying to fully take in what had just happened.  
  
Pavel was defensively sprawled on the floor, one hand tending to his now swelling jaw as his other was gesturing with abandon as he argued in between sobs with someone standing over him. Rodnikov couldn’t quite tell who it was, but with the way Pavel’s eyes burned with an intensity Rodnikov had only seen when he was arguing with his father—  
  
No…

_NO._

“Let me… Fuck’n’ GO!” Rodnikov screamed while desperately trying to break free of the men who were holding him. A hard fist connected with Rodnikov’s side, his ribs crying out at the strike and sending Rodnikov curling over himself. Pavel heard the struggle and looked away from his father to see Rodnikov get hit by one of the men holding him up. He tried to get up from the floor but was pushed harshly back down by his father. The glare that his father gave Pavel was one that would send shivers down anyone’s spine, malice radiating out of every fiber of his being while he stood over Pavel.  
  
(2) “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll let them take that _blyad’_ where he belongs.” The words rolled off Pavel’s father’s tongue aggressively, his face contorted with anger and disdain. Pavel glared at his father as he went back and forth between him and watching Rodnikov struggle to continue fighting against his captors. The intensity of Pavel’s anger rivaled only the pain he had felt back when he got the scar across his chest. “What I’ve witnessed is disgusting and shameful of someone of your stature. You, but especially _that_ ,” an accusatory finger flew up at the mention of Rodnikov, “will pay dearly for this complete disregard for the Red Line.” 

Pavel’s father’s turned to the men holding Rodnikov upright, Rodnikov having given up on fruitlessly trying to escape as his head hung low and the only sounds coming out of him were heavy, labored sobs. “Take him to be rehabilitated so he can maybe be of use to us and not just mutant food.” Pavel growled as his father forcefully pulled Rodnikov’s hair so that he could look in his eyes before continuing. “I’d much rather you simply rot where no one will ever find you, but you’re lucky I respected your late father too much to wipe his only child off the face of this world.” Rodnikov’s eyes flicked fearfully between Pavel and his father, the gaze begging for release from this situation. Pavel swore that Rodnikov mouthed something before his father let go off Rodnikov’s hair and his head bobbed downwards again. Pavel’s anger completely dissipated, a deep, cold feeling of anguish replacing the fiery rage he just had. With a grunt, the men practically dragged Rodnikov out of the locker room as he stumbled to try and keep up with them.  
  
_“You promised…_ ”

* * *

I fucked up. Father won’t tell me what will become of him, just that he is being rehabilitated and I’ll be lucky to ever see him again. That is, however, if he can smooth over the fact his son, who is currently regarded to rank highly in the line of command for the Red Line, committed something that is shunned in almost all parts of Russia; otherwise, I’ll be lucky to not be exiled. _BLYAT!_ Why did I have to fuck up so badly?! I want to go out and find him, but Father has me under surveillance now…  
  
I’m so sorry… I promise you, I’ll find you, _malysh_ . If not now, tomorrow, and if not tomorrow, the next day. As long as my heart beats, I’ll search for you. When I find you, I won’t let you go again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :wave:
> 
> If this has been posted, it means I've posted the entire work. Please enjoy the rest of the work! I always loved Pavel and I've had this idea in my head for the last year or so; I'm happy to present it to the world :p


	2. Alone, Afraid, and Afflicted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Content Warnings apply, as far as I know. If you find that something should be tagged, please let me know.

The Red Line… They were brutal. The other factions had their own methods of dealing with those that went against their ideals, but many of those methods could be simplified down to a bullet to the head or being left to fend for oneself in the tunnels of the Metro. The Red Line knew that getting rid of anyone that wasn’t wholly loyal would diminish their numbers too greatly. So, they took a different approach. They called it rehabilitation. I’d call it being thrown into the deepest pits of hell and being asked to escape. And even if you claw your way back to the mortal realm, you don’t come out the same person you entered as.

* * *

It was about a minute’s walk before the men who dragged Rodnikov threw him into a small, dark room and locked the door. Rodnikov laid helplessly on the floor curled with his knees up to his chest as sobs and aches racked his body. He knew that they did unspeakable things to those that didn’t follow through with the principles of the Red Line. When Pavel’s father had spoken of rehabilitation, Rodnikov had lost all hope of being let go with just a savage beating or torture. He might have been young, close to Pavel, and well-respected because of his father’s efforts to the Red Line, but all that leverage didn’t matter. Now here he was with only the higher-ups knowing what was about to happen to him.

_I’m gonna die here, aren’t I?_ _Afraid… Alone…_

_ Pavel…  _

Time passed unknowingly, a clanking noise at the door waking Rodnikov from his exhaustion. When had he passed out? Two figures entered, one speaking in a low, rough tone to the other. A committal grunt was all that the other gave, the first one bending down to push Rodnikov onto his back. Rodnikov caught a glimpse of the object that looked like a syringe in his hands before a sharp prick in his neck came. For a moment, nothing happened, but then the edges of Rodnikov’s vision began to blur and his body grew heavier. The figures started talking but it all sounded like gibberish, not like any language Rodnikov had heard before. It might have been Russian; it probably was, but Rodnikov couldn’t make anything out of it. Rodnikov’s eyes closed, the feeling of his body being lifted off the ground the last thing he could remember before everything went silent.

The room Rodnikov awoke in was dim and spacious, his vision slowly coming back to him as a grogginess clogged his senses. Rodnikov tried to move but was held back from several restraints around his body, realizing that he was sitting upright. A deep, emerging panic started to replace the grogginess in Rodnikov’s body as he tried to figure out what the hell was going on. The restraints on his wrists and chest ached as he frantically twisted and thrashed in the chair, muted screams trying to bubble up out of his throat. His mouth was so dry and his throat ached that even screaming was impossible, much like getting out of his restraints. Eventually, Rodnikov grew exhausted, his will failing to fight any longer. 

_ I’m gonna die here _ .

A figure entered into the room, their physique tall and slender. They walked up to Rodnikov, their hands twisting Rodnikov’s head about like a doll’s and examining every feature of their face. Rodnikov caught a glimpse of their face, determining it to be a man that Rodnikov hadn’t seen before in the Red Line. With a click of his tongue, the man turned and dragged a small cart and stool over toward where Rodnikov was detained. After plopping himself down onto the stool, the man rummaged around the various tools and bottles on the cart before procuring the things he wanted. The man turned back to Rodnikov, his eyes squinting behind his thin glasses. 

“Tell me: what do you remember?”

The man’s voice was nasally and strange. His face twitched in various places as he spoke and he fiddled with the bottle he held in his right hand and wiggled the syringe in his left. Rodnikov looked up towards the man, his brain working to piece together what had happened before he had woken up in this room. 

_ Pavel… Locker room… Rehabilitation…  _

Before Rodnikov could even make a sound, the man drew from the bottle with the syringe and quickly plunged it into Rudnikov's arm, Rodnikov gasping in pain and surprise. The world grew darker for a moment and Rodnikov felt a sudden crash of exhaustion again. Several hours passed without Rodnikov knowing, the man entering and leaving periodically like a film sped up too quickly that the frames were skipping. Sometimes he would sit down and ask what Rodnikov remembered before pumping more of whatever it was in that bottle into him. Every new injection made Rodnikov feel more and more out of it as everything blurred together and his mind slowed down to almost a halt.   
  
_ Pavel… Locker room… Rehabilitation…  _

_ Pavel… Locker… Rehabilitation… _

_ Pavel… Rehabilitation… _

_ Reha.... Pavel… _

_ Pavel… _

_ Pav… _

“Tell me: what do you remember?” The man asked again, his voice sounding incredibly distant despite being only barely half a meter away from Rodnikov. Rodnikov’s head lulled to the side, mouth slightly agape and eyes completely blank as he stared straight ahead. The man looked up and down Rodnikov’s face before letting out an amused huff. “I guess it worked, then.” The man stood up from his stool and moved to a table against the wall, shuffling through several stacks of folders before grabbing one and flipping through its contents. He sat back down and held a piece of paper in front of Rodnikov’s face. “Tell me: what does this resemble?” Rodnikov’s eyes lazily scanned over the piece of paper, trying to process the symbol on the paper in red and black ink.

“Red… Line…” Rodnikov croaked out, the words coming out strained. The man grunted before swapping the piece of paper out with another. “Fam— Family…” 

“Repeat both the things you just said.” 

“Red Line… Family…”

“Good, good. Now repeat after me: the Red Line is my family.”

“The Red Line... is my family.” 

“I will fight for my family.”

“I will fight for… my family.”

“The Red Line is my family. I will fight for my family.”

“Anyone who opposes the Red Line is my enemy.”

“I am loyal to the Red Line. My life is owed to the Red Line. I will die for the Red Line.”

_ I will die for the Red Line. _

“Excellent, absolutely excellent! Now, to make you a true soldier of the Red Line!”

* * *

At first it was a training exercise in the middle of the night with only a few other trainees. Rodnikov didn’t recognize any of them, but soon he came to know them only by their last names: Fedin, Tatarov, Menshikova, Igumnov. Night after night, they took several groups just like Rodnikov's out to conduct exercises. They were what you’d expect of typical military exercises but with the added danger of firing, maneuvering, strategizing, and the like on live, mutant enemies that could shred a human to pieces in a matter of seconds. It only took two exercises before Igumnov slipped and fell, alerting a stray pack of Watchmen to their position, lowering their numbers down to four from five. There were other groups but they never interacted with one another outside of quick meals that mainly consisted of leftovers and scraps. Rodnikov watched as day after day the number of trainees started to dwindle down to being countable on two hands. Tatarov panicked and missed taking out a Watchmen that was barreling right towards him. Fedin got ambushed by a Shrimp while practicing wetland maneuvering and was dragged down into the water below. Eventually only Menshikova remained but she had suffered a nasty wound that took out her left eye. She performed well despite the handicap, but one day she disappeared while Rodnikov was sleeping. The only thing Rodnikov heard about her after that was the trainer saying they couldn’t keep training her with the disadvantage she had.

_ She’s dead. Probably left afraid, alone, and afflicted outside clinging to life.  _

In just less than three months, their group had turned into just Rodnikov and the somewhat large group of trainees turned into eight. Still, however, Rodnikov never got a chance to interact with any of the other trainees; he didn’t even know their names. Rodnikov hadn’t talked to anyone except the trainers the whole time since the group had turned into a one-man unit. The exercises started getting more rigorous, more lengthy, and much more dangerous. Sometimes only equipped with the clothes on his back, the mask on his face, and the cold edge of a knife, Rodnikov would be thrown out to survive for several days in the cold, desolate ruins of Russia. Days and nights blended together, cut down to nothing memorable other than the days he could eat a room temperature meal back in the tunnels or times he almost died. Mutants became humans from the other factions, exercises became missions in enemy territory, trainers became comrades. Downtime during missions also turned into lessons about the workings of the Red Line; the chain of command, the principles of the Red Line, how to speak with superiors, the like and more.

Two years passed. They were down to two trainees, but Rodnikov’s last peer looked rough the night Rodnikov saw him last. He was incredibly pale, clutching at his side and shaking as he lifted the food to his mouth. His eyes seemed to be in a constant state of focusing and unfocusing on the thin soup spilling out of his spoon. Rodnikov ate his meal quietly, eventually not caring about the peer he hadn’t learned the name of.    
  
_ He’ll die soon. Another life for the Red Line. _

That day came the next day and Rodnikov awoke to his trainer shaking him, telling him to quickly get dressed and ready to move. 

“You did it, kid. You fucking DID. IT.” Rodnikov’s trainer yelled when he was excited, even in situations that didn’t allow for that kind of carelessness. Rodnikov looked around for his clothes before noticing a neatly folded pile of clothes; they weren’t his, but they were the only ones around.   
  
“Are these clothes mine?” Rodnikov asked, his tone flat and straight to the point. His trainer stopped pacing back and forth excitedly, brushing over his clothes to remove any wrinkles in them. He looked to the pile of clothes Rodnikov was referring to before nodding frantically. 

“Yes, you’ll be wearing those; they should fit but we don’t have a lot of time to fit them properly today. Put them on, quickly, we can’t make him wait any longer than necessary.” The trainer started fiddling with the decorations on his dress jacket. Rodnikov looked back to the neat pile of clothes, noticing that they too were dress clothes, at least from the top they looked like dress clothes. “Your jacket is hanging over there… Hurry, hurry!” Rodnikov quickly slipped into the dress clothes, noticing the somewhat loose fit of the clothes. The trainer did say they didn’t have time to properly fit them. After shrugging on the jacket, the trainer grabbed Rodnikov by his arm and began dragging him off to where they needed to be. 

“We have maybe five minutes to make you more presentable. I already woke up the company seamstress after hearing the news you’d be making an appearance before Comrade General Moskvin today.”

“Comrade General Moskvin?!”

“Yes, yes! I know, it’s sudden but he said to present you— okay, well not  _ you  _ in particular but whoever was— AH! It doesn’t matter the details!” The trainer checked his watch as the two continued hurrying through the halls of the Red Line underground. “Fuck! Four minutes!” The two picked up their pace and arrived before the seamstress, her hands meticulously making quick adjustments to the garbs. Almost as quickly as the two had arrived, the seamstress fell back and told them to hurry off citing that she had done all she could in such a short time. The clothes did fit a bit more snuggly than before… 

After a few more moments of running through the various passageways, Rodnikov and his trainer ended up before the door to the generals' meeting room. Two stoic guards stood on both sides of the door, one giving a grunt towards the trainer as he flashed his dog tags. Turning to face Rodnikov, he gave a quick smile. “Now, tell me: what do you remember?”

“I owe my life to Comrade General Moskvin. Without his supreme direction of the Red Line, I and many others would be dead.” 

“Good, good! You’ve learned so well, my little pupil. Now, it is time for you to truly make the Red Line proud!”

_ I will die for the glory of the Red Line and all it stands for. _

* * *

It’s been over two years since I last heard of Rodnikov. Since then, I’ve done everything I could to get information about what happened to him. Even when Father died, I couldn’t find anything in his things or his comrades’ that gave me any leads. The Red Line has been getting busier since Comrade General Moskvin came into power. Father left me in good favour and I’m up for promotion to Major now. Every day it gets harder to hold out for something to yield fruit in this barren hellscape. 

I hate it here. I hate what Father— no, the Red Line did— but I’ll grit my teeth and smile until I find him again. 

Please… be alive and well,  _ malysh _ .


	3. Tags Please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Content Warnings apply, as far as I know. If you find that something should be tagged, please let me know.

The first day we met again… I didn’t feel anything. I don’t think I really could have, given what had happened to me over the last few years. The Red Line did everything they could to change me into someone that was exactly what they wanted from a soldier. Cold, detached, loyal, unwavering. They built me up from the ruins they broke me down into but seemed to forget to change something vital for their whole plan to work. Or, maybe, they thought I wouldn’t be the one who’d survive their “rehabilitation.”    
  
They didn’t change Pavel. At least, not in the way they should have.

* * *

Another two years passed after Rodnikov was presented to Comrade General Moskvin as the only survivor of what was later revealed to be an extensive project to try and create the best soldiers within the Metro. The Comrade General didn’t know much about him other than his name and seemed generally displeased with the production of simply one soldier from an almost two-year long project. However, after being placed in a variety of noteworthy assignments and advancing the goals of the Red Line, the Comrade General began to replace his dissatisfaction with a favorable fondness towards Rodnikov as one of his best operatives. Rodnikov took no real satisfaction in gaining the favor of Moskvin but in being allowed to fight for the Red Line’s betterment. 

_ My life is owed to the Red Line, after all. My life’s purpose is maintaining the Red Line’s superiority. _

Rodnikov worked mostly in secret, even among the Red Line’s chain of command, in various assassinations, interceptions of key information, and playing deceptive roles in the other factions' ranks. Information about Rodnikov was confidential to anyone outside the Comrade Generals and orders came directly from Moskvin or Kurbot themselves. Rest was scarce and often Rodnikov was in and out of the Red Line, taking missions with little downtime at the command of the generals. For two years, Rodnikov spent chipping away at building the perfect Red Line like he was instructed to through whatever means expected of him. Sabotage? Murder? Deception? It didn’t matter, whatever needed to be done, he did it. 

_ And I do it well. _

* * *

“Ah, Comrade Major Morozov! Come in, come in,” Comrade General Moskvin instructed, still busying himself with reading over a report given to him a few moments ago. Pavel stepped into the moderately-sized room, the smell of cigar smoke permeating the air. After a few seconds of Pavel standing around, Moskvin lowered the report and looked directly at Pavel, his eyes peering over his glasses. “I’ve looked over the report you gave me; you did as was expected of you.”

“Of course, Comrade General Moskvin! I would never let the Red Line down!” Pavel grinned with his whole face. He had gotten very good at faking being happy about doing the Red Line’s dirty work. Day after day he did what they wanted, hoping he would stumble upon something that would advance his real goals of finding out what happened four years ago. However, each day that passed it became more and more apparent that any information on that topic would be hidden behind locks he shouldn’t pick or hidden in the crevices of peoples’ minds he couldn’t rummage through casually. Can’t exactly ask “Hey, Moskvin! Korbut! Do you know what happened about four years ago to a  _ really good friend _ of mine? I think he went under some sort of rehabilitation…?” 

_ Blyat _ . 

Moskvin leaned onto the table, the wood creaking as it held up the weight of the general. Pavel returned from tripping over his own inner thoughts to the situation in front of him. “ _ Tak _ , what is it that you wanted to speak to me about? There shouldn’t be anything you’d want to know that isn’t in that report already, yeah?” Bringing a cigar to his mouth, Moskvin took a long drag from it before exhaling the smoke into the room. Pavel’s nose cringed at the heavy smell and his eyes watered slightly. The Comrade General put the cigar back into the ashtray before leaning back in his chair. 

“I’d like you to join a mission I’ve planned with Comrade Specialist Rudnikov. I’d send him on his own but I believe this mission would benefit from having you, and convenience has left me with both of you without work at the moment.” Pavel perked up at the name of the specialist. Was it just a coincidence or…? Moskvin continued speaking, not noticing that Pavel had zoned slightly out. “Rudnikov, if you would, please introduce yourself to Comrade Major Morozov.” 

_ Huh? _

From the corner of Pavel’s vision, a figure stepped into view. He was probably about the same height as Pavel, minus a few kilograms, but his outfit did accentuate that he filled out his black clothes well. His brown eyes showed nothing and his black hair was buzz-cut. The man turned to face Pavel, extending out his hand to shake. Pavel traced Rudnikov’s face, noticing a scar ran from the jaw and up his right cheek. It looked less than a year-old. 

“Comrade Major?” Rudnikov said, his tone implying a question about why Pavel had not returned the gesture of shaking his hand. Pavel cursed under his breath before hastily grabbing Rudnikov’s hand and giving it a half-firm shake. “My name is Yevodkim Rudnikov, a specialist for the Red Line. We haven’t formally met before but I’ve heard much of your contribution to the Red Line from Comrade General Moskvin and Comrade General Korbut.” 

Pavel almost let all his feelings pour out of his mouth as he tried to keep it from falling open and his eyes from leaking tears down his face. His whole body stood on the edge of shaking violently at who was standing before him. Pavel’s heart had sunk deeper than any sea could possibly be. He tightened his fists in his lap so hard he felt he’d start to split the skin of his knuckles. Four fucking years and he was here all along, under Pavel’s nose and he didn’t even— 

_ He doesn’t remember me? Why doesn’t he remember me? It can’t be him then. It can’t be. _

_ It isn’t him. _

_ But…? _

Pavel let his heart stay in the bottom of his stomach as he lifted his head and smiled widely at Rudnikov. “The Comrade Generals have been talking about me, aha?  _ Blyat _ , I hope it hasn’t been anything that would make me look bad!” This smile he was putting on was really starting to hurt…

“No, nothing of the sort,” Rudnikov replied matter-of-factly, his face showing little emotion in response to Pavel’s jestering. He turned to Moskvin, nodding his head curtly. “If I may, Comrade General Moskvin, I think we should get debriefed on our mission so we can set out before nightfall.” Moskvin grabbed a folder off the table to his right, flipping through the contents to ensure it was the correct one, and handed it to Rudnikov. 

“See to this mission going off without any complications. I won’t accept any mistakes on this one, is that understood?” Those words hung in the air for a moment as Rudnikov glanced over the documents in the folder before handing it over to Pavel. Pavel took the folder and flipped through it as well, looking for the pages detailing the directives. 

“This is... You’re serious? We’re going through with Korbut’s plan? We’re throwing out all our cards now?” Pavel was dumbfounded, but tried not to sound like he didn’t agree with the orders of the Comrade Generals. This plan was going to kill a lot of people, even some in the Red Line. However, if this backfired the Red Line would suffer a large blow to their morale and numbers. Moskvin simply grunted in response, not wanting to get into the details about pushing this plan so soon. Pavel closed the folder roughly and turned to leave. As Pavel left, Rudnikov glanced between Moskvin and Pavel before again curtly nodding toward the general and taking his leave as well.

“Rudnikov,” Moskvin said, his voice low and commanding. Rudnikov stopped at the edge of the door frame waiting for Moskvin to continue. “Make sure Morozov does not ruin this plan. You are authorized to do whatever it means to make sure this plan succeeds.” 

“Understood, Comrade General.” With that response, Rudnikov closed the door behind him and turned to see Pavel lighting a cigarette at the end of the tunnel. Pavel exhaled the smoke opposite the direction Rudnikov was coming from before turning to look at the man again. Pavel scrutinized Rudnikov up and down before trying to look deeply into his eyes. All that stared back was emptiness. 

“Your dog tags,” Pavel started to say, taking another huff of the cigarette. Rudnikov pushed his hand down the black turtleneck he wore, retrieving the dog tags that were hidden underneath. Pavel motioned for him to come closer, taking the dog tags in his hand as they were in reach. He flipped them over, reading the name and information that was scrawled into the metal. There was one thing on those tags that only Pavel would care about that would confirm if this really was who he wanted it to be.

_ Rudnikov _

_ Yevodkim F.  _

_ 28/03/2013 _

_ AB Pos _

_ Red Line _

And off to the side of the identifying information were crude scratchings that resembled a “P” and a smiley-face. 

“You’re fucking joking…”

* * *

Today… Today I found him. 

Or at least, I found his tags. The person that has those tags… I don’t know who they are. They look like him, plus four or so years, but nothing about them truly tells me they’re  _ him _ . He doesn’t seem to know me anymore than a random Red Line occupant would. The chance that some random specialist I know nothing about has his tags? And has absorbed his identity? And looks like him? It has to be him, but it’s like… he’s still missing. 


	4. Young and Dumb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Content Warnings apply, as far as I know. If you find that something should be tagged, please let me know.

Pavel and I... we had a lot of adventures together. He said he was always so adventurous, oftentimes more than he should have been, but apparently I brought out most of it when I joined the Red Line. I may have been a bit more timid in stepping out into the world, but it wasn’t like I didn’t follow him wherever he went smiling all the way. Looking back at it, I think we were both just as scared as the other but didn’t want to admit that. Me hanging onto the back of Pavel’s shirt probably made him feel a lot more brave than he actually was and having Pavel by my side just about every step made me a lot more confident to open myself up to the world. 

It was still a fucked up world, but we didn’t care. We had each other. That’s all we cared about.

* * *

The smell of irradiated water filled the large room, the hole in the ceiling leaking thin rays of light from the outside world. Shimmering ripples filled the surface of the underground lake as small droplets fell from various places. Little sound occupied the room other than the small splashes and the occasional whistle of the wind. There were several decrepit concrete pathways around the lake, many having not withstood the collapse of the ceiling or their subsequent dive after water started accumulating in the room. The lake wasn’t very deep and when it rained it rose in volume but would later drain out somewhere into the metro system. It was a beautiful scene if one could ignore the danger of mutants having easy access through the security risk of a giant hole in the ground leading right into the Metro. 

And that was exactly what the two did: ignore the risk.

Rudnikov and Pavel sat atop one of the pathways that had crumbled and hung above the side of the lake. Pavel sat at the edge, swinging his legs back and forth as he chewed at the small sandwich he had brought with him. Rudnikov sat just a bit away from the edge as he picked out the tomatoes from his sandwich, wondering why Pavel kept bringing two sandwiches with tomatoes. Pavel turned his head, mid-bite, and spoke before finishing his bite. “Yew gonna eat t’ose, Roo-dee?”

_ He just makes two sandwiches for himself… _

Rudnikov sighed, grabbing the tomatoes and handing them over to Pavel. He took them with a smile on his face as he opened his sandwich and slapped them in, a large bite following. “Yew know yew can jus give ‘em tew me if yew don’t want ‘em, Roo-dee.” 

“Pavel, don’t talk with your mouth full. It’s gross!” Rudnikov said, turning his head to take a bite of his now untainted sandwich. Pavel swallowed loudly before giggling at Rudnikov. 

“I said ‘you know you can just give—’”

“I know what you said! It was just gross!” Pavel grinned as he took another bite of his sandwich, scooting closer to Rudnikov.

“Sew yew don’t like when I tawk like t’is? Wiff my mouf full?” Rudnikov extended a hand out to stop Pavel from getting any closer, a laugh bubbling out between his chews. 

“Pavel, yew’re sew stewpid, stop!” 

“Oh! Look hoo’s dah hypocrite!” Pavel laughed at Rudnikov trying to get away from him as they began to playfully wrestle each other with their free hands. How many times had they had this exact little argument before?

_ Too many times, probably. _

* * *

“Tonight’s the night, Rudi!  _ Davai, davai! _ ” Pavel held tightly to Rudnikov’s wrist as he dragged him through the dimly lit tunnels. Rudnikov ran as fast as he could, wondering what the hell Pavel was so excited about. The guy had run into his house, practically hauled him out of his seat in one tug, and loudly exclaimed that he just had to come with him right now. Turn after turn, Pavel navigated the tunnels like he had this whole section of the Metro ingrained in his memory. As the tunnels started to get less and less lit, Rudnikov came to figure out where Pavel was dragging him.

The lake.

The two bursted into the room, Pavel letting go of Rudnikov’s wrist and placing his hands on his waist as he took in several deep breaths. Rudnikov took a squat, hanging his head between his knees trying to slow his breathing and his heartbeat. After several moments of the two’s heavy breathing, Pavel broke the monotony, his voice filled with wonder and excitement. 

“ _ Ty smorti _ , Rudi! Do you see it?!” Rudnikov lifted his head from his knees, following where Pavel was looking. He was staring up through the hole in the ceiling, light pouring through the entire thing. Standing up and moving a bit closer to Pavel, Rudnikov watched as a bright, full moon came into view. Pavel slung his arm around Rudnikov’s shoulder as he let out a small gasp at the sight before them. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” Pavel took his gaze away from the scene to take in what Rudnikov’s face showed; Pavel knew that he wore his heart on his sleeve. However, Pavel didn’t expect to feel the way that he did as he saw the unrestrained joyous expression on his close friend’s face. Rudnikov’s gentle brown eyes reflected the intense light of the moon giving them an almost radiant glow to them. His mouth was slightly agape with the corners tugged into a small smile and he swiveled his head ever so slightly, as if to take in every angle possible of the sight.

Pavel felt… weird. But it was a good kind of weird? Pavel had felt this kind of feeling when he had the attention of someone who liked him, the like-like kind of liked. It was warm like a hot meal in his stomach but all over his body. It made him happy, but he had never felt this way looking at someone so he didn’t know what to really make of it. This was also towards Rudi, his best friend, another dude like Pavel.

_ This feels weird…  _

“Thank you, Pavel.” Rudnikov started to say softly, his eyes flicking over to Pavel’s. Pavel grew quickly flustered and stammered out a few incoherent sounds before giving an affirmative chuckle. “It really is beautiful… I really like that you chose to bring me out here tonight to see this…” Rudnikov leaned his weight a bit more onto Pavel, one of his hands coming up to graze over Pavel’s hand that rested on Rudnikov’s chest. Pavel felt his blood rush to his face as he felt Rudnikov brush over his worn knuckles. For a few seconds, Pavel didn’t know what to say or do, but eventually he just pulled Rudnikov a bit closer to him. 

“I wouldn’t have thought to bring anyone other than you,  _ chuvak _ .”

_ Weird… but nice... _

* * *

“ _ Chuvak _ , you can’t stay in bed forever…” Pavel leaned against the door to Rudnikov’s room, the only sound coming from it the barely audible sobs of Rudnikov. It had been six days since they had declared his father, the only family that he had, dead. Some Watchmen pack had gotten involved in a firefight between the Red Line and the Fourth Reich and created chaos. In that chaos, Rudnikov’s father got a bullet straight between the—   
  
“Pavel…” Rudnikov’s soft call tore Pavel from his morbid thoughts. 

“Yes, Rudi?”

“Can you come in... Please…” The last part of that request was pained and sounded on the verge of breaking into heavier sobs. Pavel grabbed the handle to the door and slowly pushed it inwards. Against the wall was Rudnikov’s bed, and next to that his desk, which was a complete mess of photos, papers, and trinkets. Rudnikov was lying on his side in his bed, the sheets pulled over his head in a way that only his face was visible. It was obvious he hadn’t slept in a while and the traces of his tears glistened all across his face. Pavel took a small step into the room, watching and waiting for Rudnikov to tell him what he wanted. After sniffling for a few moments and shakily exhaling, Rudnikov spoke barely above a whisper.

“Can you… come hold me…” 

Pavel felt… strange. But he did as he was asked, carefully climbing over Rudnikov and lying down next to him. Pavel draped his arm over Rudnikov and pulled him tight, his other hand moving to rub against the top of Rudnikov’s head. Rudnikov had done this before with Pavel, the feeling always comforting him when he was upset. Rudnikov let out a very shaky breath before completely breaking down and crying. His whole body shook as he cried and Pavel could only hold him tighter and press his body as close as he could.

“You’ve got me, still. You’ll always have me, okay? I’ll always be here, promise.”

_ Always _ .

* * *

Rudnikov sat outside the Red Line’s infirmary, impatiently bouncing his leg up and down. His mind raced despite his efforts to slow it down and collect himself after what had just happened. It was just supposed to be a little break from the bullshit that the Red Line was putting them through lately. Next thing he knew, Rudnikov was carrying Pavel on his back through the tunnels in a full sprint as a stray Watchmen followed just behind them. Rudnikov could still feel the warm, sticky feeling of Pavel’s blood trickling down his back and down his leg. He could still hear the sounds of Pavel’s shallow breaths and his incoherent strings of words all the while the bloodlust growling and heavy leaps of the Watchmen were sounding closer every second. Rudnikov’s heart was still beating out of his chest. If that group of guards hadn’t taken that wrong turn, the two of them would have probably been dead. 

The door next to Rudnikov opened and he stood up so fast his vision blurred, almost sending him stumbling over. The nurse who had exited the room tilted her head and gave a displeased frown at Rudnikov’s reckless behavior. Probably also his clothes, stained with sweat and Pavel’s blood still, but Rudnikov didn’t feel like changing until he knew Pavel was okay. “Can I… see him?”

The nurse straightened her posture before nodding, waving her hand towards the door and walking off. Rudnikov walked straight into the room, stopping immediately upon entering. He was suddenly really self-conscious of the clothes stained with Pavel’s blood being the first thing Pavel saw Rudnikov in after what had happened. He thought how he really should have just ran and changed quickly…

A cough reminded Rudnikov where he was, Pavel turning in his cot slightly to see who was standing in the doorway. “Ah, Rudi, how you doin’  _ chuvak _ ?” Pavel gave a slight, forced laugh as he finished, his face wincing a little as he tried to turn over more to face Rudnikov. Rudnikov hurried over to Pavel’s cot, grabbing a nearby chair to sit down. Pavel looked over Rudnikov and slowly moved to run his finger up the blood trail on Rudnikov’s shirt. “That’s my blood… Don’t wash it, you can probably get a fortune for it eventually!” 

“Pavel,” Rudnikov started, firmly grabbing Pavel’s hand with both of his, “please don’t joke around about this. You could have died!” Pavel shrunk back a little at the urgency in Rudnikov’s voice, lifting his other hand to scratch against the edges of the bandages wrapped around his chest. 

“I know, I know…” Pavel replied, dejectedly. His defense mechanism was trying to lighten the mood with banter and shifting the topic away from the heavy stuff. Rudnikov didn’t like when he did that when the topic was their lives. “I’m sorry, Rudi.” Rudnikov let out a small huff before rubbing his thumb over the back of Pavel’s hand.

“Look, Pavel… I just…” Rudnikov drifted off as he bit at his left cheek, trying to decide what it was that he wanted to say. After a few seconds, he leaned in close to Pavel and hung his head down so that he didn’t have to speak any louder than a whisper. “I was really scared. I can’t lose you, Pavel. You’re all I have since… since my father died…” 

Pavel felt… a lot. 

Pavel brought his other hand up to rub against Rudnikov’s cheek, a soft gaze meeting Rudnikov’s tired and scared expression. “I already told you. I’ll be here, for you, always.” Rudnikov sniffled a little, leaning into the hand against his cheek, tears silently running down his face. Pavel gave him a small smile and Rudnikov gave one in return.

"Promise?”

“Promise. Here,  _ chuvak _ , let me see your tags.” Rudnikov furrowed his brows but nonetheless retrieved his tags from around his neck and handed them to Pavel. Pavel sat upright, cursing as his chest burned and stung, before grabbing the clothes that sat on the small table next to his cot. Retrieving his pocket knife from his jacket, he began to press and scrape at Rudnikov’s tags with his blade. “There. Now, I’ll always be with you.” Rudnikov took the tags back from Pavel and turned them about, finally finding the markings Pavel had just made. 

_ P :) _

“Do the same to mine,  _ chuvak _ , here.”

“Pavel…”

_ I wish I could tell you what you really meant to me. _

* * *

My life hasn’t been the same since Rudi came to the Red Line. I don’t know whether it was the fact we were young and dumb for years together or the fact we almost died several times that built our bond so strongly. Our bond is a lot more than that we share from being in the Red Line, it’s far more than just as a comrade. He means so much to me, and I know I mean a lot to him. There’s something… different about him, though, something I still don’t know how to describe. 

All I know is that I’d do anything to protect him. 


	5. No Longer the Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Content Warnings apply, as far as I know. If you find that something should be tagged, please let me know.

You know that feeling that you sometimes get when you act without thinking and it’s like you aren’t really in control over what your body does? It’s sort of like being trapped in a glass cage; you’re able to see everything that is happening but you’re still helpless to do anything about it. Sometimes you can bang on the glass, maybe get a stir out of something or someone, but that’s only a chance. 

I saw Pavel. I saw everything “I” did, heard everything “I” said. I banged against those glass walls as hard as I could to get out. But I couldn’t do it on my own.

* * *

The rhythmic marching of the band of Red Line soldiers was among the few sounds that occupied the tunnels. Pavel hung slightly behind the front line, chewing at his thumb as he mentally went over the directives of the mission. He was expected to get to the Red Square then to D6, armed with the bioweapon that Lesnistsky secured, and await further instructions. Pavel wasn’t sure why they were throwing their hand down already when they barely knew the cards that the other factions had. This wasn’t a bluff of any sort, but a very, very rash decision to think they had the jump on having the best hand in the Metro. If this plan failed, it would cost the Red Line a lot of their power and influence in the Metro, along with a large number of their soldiers and citizens. 

Rodnikov walked off to the side of Pavel, attentively watching the various alcoves and spots where hostiles could be lying in wait. He took a short glance over towards Pavel, remembering the order that Comrade General Moskvin had given him before departing. Noticing that Pavel’s face was scrunched in contemplation, Rodnikov moved to be within range to speak with Pavel as privately as they could. “Comrade Major Morozov, is there something you’re having trouble with?” The question was said with little emotion, its intentions incredibly bare in nature. Pavel quickly looked at Rodnikov, clicking his tongue before throwing a smile across his face.

“Is it that obvious, comrade? I thought I had gotten much better at hiding my emotions after spying and lying for a living!” Rodnikov looked displeased at Pavel’s attempt at humour, Pavel mentally recoiling at the lack of a response. Pavel turned his gaze to the ground for a moment before speaking again. “I… am just not sure of something, that’s all.” 

“And that ‘something’ would be…?”

“Something that happened a long time ago. I lost someone.” Pavel flinched at how casually the words came out of his mouth. Was he really about to dump his feelings out to this soldier that he wasn’t even entirely sure was actually Rodnikov? Rodnikov didn’t respond for a bit, the two walking in silence. Eventually, he responded and Pavel practically stopped in his tracks.

“You can’t change the past, Comrade Major. You’re here, not back there; pick your head up and realize what you’re supposed to be doing right now.” Pavel’s jaw clenched as he shifted the rifle slung over his shoulder. 

“You really don’t remember anything, do you, Rudi?” Pavel said it with venom on his tongue, his anger misguided but bubbling up to the surface. It wasn’t that he was mad at whoever this was standing next to him, but the Red Line, his father, whatever caused this unfortunate coincidence that paired him with the man who had the exact same tags as the young man he had fell in love with over five years ago now. Now he was getting lectured for having feelings?

“Comrade Specialist Rodnikov, are you okay?” A soldier said from the back line, Pavel not noticing that Rodnikov had stopped several meters behind him. He was kneeling down, his head in his hands and his whole body looked to be tensed up. Pavel turned back and squatted down next to Rodnikov in an attempt to try and discern what was going on.

“What… did you just call me?” Through gritted teeth, Rodnikov asked the question as he hissed in pain. His head was ringing so intensely that he felt he would vomit. This had happened a few times before during his training, but it was few and far inbetween that he and the trainers considered it to just be stress-related. Now, here he was, in pain and unable to see straight at the mere utterance of a nickname he had never agreed to.

“I called you ‘Rudi—’” Pavel watched, confused, as Rodnikov pushed his head farther into his hands, a groan of pain escaping from his lips. What the hell was going on? The soldiers had come to gather around the two, small murmurs with the same question circulating the group. Pavel let out an annoyed huff. “Can you stand,  _ chuvak _ ?” Rudnikov pulled his head from his hands, his face indicating he was still in a great deal of pain and his eyes seemed to lack the ability to focus on Pavel standing right in front of him. Shakily, he stood, slowly dusting off his uniform and wrapping the scarf he wore tightly around his neck again, as well as reslinging the sniper rifle to its original position on his shoulder. 

“My apologies, I don’t know what came over me. Let us continue on, Comrade Major.” Like a flip of a switch, Rudnikov was back to normal, at least outwardly. Pavel stood back up and looked over Rudnikov’s face one more time before turning around to continue walking. The rest of the soldiers took quick notice to fall back into formation as Pavel went farther down into the tunnel. Rudnikov could still hear the ringing in his head, but it was becoming far less intrusive as they continued on. He hoped that this incident would not happen again.

_ Rudi… _

* * *

After arriving in Venice, Rodnikov, Pavel, and the rest of soldiers dispersed to go about a moment’s worth of a leisurely break. Rodnikov chose to follow after Pavel with the intention of keeping tabs on his interactions in the floating city where more than lips were loose and fast to open for anyone. What the mission especially didn’t need was some cheap whore learning of the Red Line’s plans and leaking it to some other faction’s informants. However, much to Rodnikov’s displeasure, that was exactly what Pavel decided to do. At least he was smart enough to not divulge any actual information that would be worth a damn, his location not particularly that compromising. When the two left the “gentlemen’s club,” Rodnikov couldn’t help but feel like someone was watching and listening to the whole interaction Pavel had. Rodnikov glared at a mostly drawn curtain to a room across the hall from where Pavel had just been. A shadow from within the room shifted out of view. Rodnikov wanted to burst into the room and slit the throat of whoever was in there, but Pavel grabbed the man’s arm and said they needed to go quickly as their time was up. 

“You’re being followed, if you haven’t noticed, Comrade Major Morozov,” Rudnikov whispered as they walked to their next destination. 

“Ah, am I? I guess we’ll have a bit more fun here in Venice before we depart.” Pavel laughed at the statement, pushing open the door to the warehouse and entering. Rudnikov trailed behind him, grunting in disagreement with Pavel’s disregard for the possibility that the mission could be compromised before it even truly began.

“I don’t think you should take something like this so nonchalantly, Comrade Major. Are you so sure of yourself that it isn’t a problem that we’re being tailed already?” Pavel waved his hand as if to dismiss the discussion as he walked through the warehouse’s maze of supplies and shelves. Rudnikov growled at this lack of regard for the mission from Pavel, his hand itching to grab the pistol at his hip and make the major realize that there was going to be a problem whichever way the situation unfolded. Pavel turned on his heel, facing Rudnikov with a deadpan expression.

“ _ Blyakha-mukha _ … I know who is tailing us,  _ chuvak _ . A recent friend of mine. Trust me, I will handle it soon enough. End of discussion.” With that, Pavel turned to continue on, Rodnikov stunned for a moment before huffing out of annoyance. 

“Don’t expect me to save your ass then if things don’t go your way.”

* * *

At the sound of a struggle, Rudnikov bursted into the room with his pistol drawn. Against the wall, Pavel was held at knifepoint by a man donning what looked to be a Spartan Rangers’ outfit. The man looked towards Rudnikov when he busted the door open, distracted long enough for Pavel to land a strike that sent the man falling to the ground. Rudnikov followed the man as he fell with his gun, ready to fire straight through the man’s skull.

“Rudi!  _ Dhavai! _ ” The ringing came back in full force as Pavel shouted that God-forsaken childish butchering of his name. Rudnikov’s vision went almost into a complete blur and he felt who was probably Pavel grab his arm and yank him towards wherever the hell he was going. He heard what sounded like Pavel say some quip to the man on the ground before a loud slam of a door and its locking followed shortly after. The ringing did not die down for several moments as Pavel led them through a variety of corridors and into the cool air of a tunnel. When the sensation of having his skull drilled into subsided, Rudnikov forcefully removed himself from Pavel’s grasp and pointed his pistol straight at Pavel’s head. 

“You will explain something to me right fucking now, Comrade Major Morozov.” Pavel turned and visibility flinched, backing slightly away at the barrel of a gun being in his face. “What is it that you know about me? How is it that yiu can cause these moments of complete disorientation?!” Pavel raised his hands defensively, his eyes frantically going from the gun to Rudnikov. 

“Whoah! What’s with the hostility,  _ chuvak _ —”

“I am NOT your ‘ _ chuvak _ ,’ Morozov! Tell me! What do you know?”

“ _ Blyat! _ I don’t know anything more than you do! I swear, I’m as confused as you are about this whole thing!” Rudnikov couldn’t detect that Pavel was lying through his tone or his nervous shifting if his weight. Rudnikov lowered his gun but did not holster it. Pavel watched the gun go down before looking into Rudnikov’s eyes; there was what looked to be fear and complete confusion in his eyes now. It reminded Pavel of a look he had seen before. Pavel grabbed at the chain that held his dog tags and pulled them up out from under his clothes. “I don’t know anything, but I have a possible idea. Please, just let me try this without you pointing a gun at me.” Rudnikov watched as Pavel raised the chain over his head and flipped the tags around before showing them to Rudnikov. 

“Do you know what this is, here?” Pavel pointed to scratches in the metal.   
  
_ (: R _

The ringing came back full force again. Rudnikov raised his gun quickly before his vision completely blurred and fired at Pavel.

“What the fuck?!” Pavel yelled as the gun fired right in front of him. The bullet whizzed completely off mark and hit the tunnel wall behind Pavel. After the momentary shock, Pavel wrestled the gun out of Rudnikov’s hands as he stumbled about trying to get a grip on reality again. This feeling was excruciating; it was like Rudnikov’s skull wanted to burst from his head. The ringing caused him to keel over and vomit into the packed earth of the tunnel. Pavel squatted down next to him, patting the man’s back as he continued to deal with the intrusive pain and nausea. 

“What happened to you,  _ malysh… _ ?”

* * *

I… I’m not sure what is going on with Rudi. He  _ seems _ to remember things, but then he gets these headaches? It’s like something in his head is keeping him from being able to remember. I tried a few other things that only he and I would know and it was the same result every time. What the fuck did they do to him?

I know the truth serum we use now for interrogations came from an older project but all the information on that has been scrubbed from the records. Maybe that was what happened to him… This is what “rehabilitation” did to him.

But how the fuck am I supposed to reverse it?


	6. Past and Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Content Warnings apply, as far as I know. If you find that something should be tagged, please let me know.

The day I asked Pavel the most daunting question I had ever asked anyone I think I nearly died from the silence that he gave me. To be fair to him, I did ask a question that went against just about everything that he, and to an extent myself, stood for. The Metro’s factions… they have ways of making you completely entwined in their ideology without you noticing. That was probably what it was, but the silence could have killed me regardless of the reasoning behind it.

Oh, and I almost forgot! I asked him just after I told him one of my deepest insecurities that definitely would have gotten me killed.

* * *

The smell of irradiated water mixed together with the tough pine smell that Pavel had taken a liking to wearing at every conceivable moment. Light danced around the room through the hole in the ceiling as the two’s gentle breathing accompanied the small splashes coming from the lake. Rudnikov sat with his legs hanging over the edge of the pathway the two had sat at so many times now while Pavel rested his head in Rudnikov’s lap, his hands folded over his chest. The scene was as tranquil as it always was, although the two rarely took it in. Instead, they often would go on about some bullshit thing that had happened to either of them or, when they were younger and far more energetic, would busy themselves wrestling and rolling all over the place. Now, however, there wasn’t anything they wanted to talk about and Pavel hadn’t brought along two sandwiches for himself for them to playfully squabble over. They were just… here. 

It had been a tiring week, both of them having had to deal with a lot of training, especially Pavel. At eighteen the Red Line was already preparing him to become a soldier, an important one, and they were working him to the bone. Rudnikov had escaped some of the overbearing nature of expectations from the Red Line superiors, but it wasn’t like they ignored him. His father had been quite the informant and they expected Rudnikov to fill his shoes one day. The work wasn’t as exhausting as Pavel’s was but it was still daunting to have so much expected of him at just sixteen.

Rudnikov shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thoughts about the work he would expect to go through later in the week. For today, it was just him and Pavel. Just like the old days when life wasn’t as obviously screwed to hell and back. Rudnikov looked down at Pavel, his breathing turning into soft snores at times. He looked incredibly peaceful despite the fact he had almost died in this very room, Rudnikov tracing over where the scar would be on Pavel's chest. Rudnikov glanced up at the hole in the ceiling, listening to the sounds all around him. After a few moments of nothing more than Pavel snoring and the distinct hits of drops on the lake, he turned back to Pavel. He noticed that Pavel’s dog tags were resting off to the side on his shoulder. Quietly picking them up, Rudnikov leaned in a bit so that he wouldn’t have to tug them to find what he was looking for. Not that he really needed to see it he could have felt the scratches he had made with his thumb, but seeing it always gave Rudnikov a nice feeling. Although, recently, there was a lot that Rudnikov was feeling and today seeing the little smiley-face and “R” scratched into the metal made his heart swell.

_I really should try to talk to him…_

Pavel snored a lot louder than he had been, startling himself awake. With Pavel jolting in his lap, Rudnikov dropped the dog tags and they smacked against Pavel’s chin. Pavel let out a soft “ow” before raising one hand to massage over his face as if trying to both ease the sting and also wipe away the embarrassment of waking himself up from snoring. “Ayy, _chuvak_. Good morning.” Pavel removed his hand from his face and revealed the dumb grin he gave when he had just made a fool of himself. 

“Good morning. Did you get enough rest?” Pavel waved his hand around above his chest.

“I guess, but I was rudely awakened by some loud beast… Or maybe the tags that hit me in my face!” Pavel grasped the tags and held them as far away from him as he could without breaking the chain. He gave them a performative pout. “I wear you every day and you betray me like so…?” Rudnikov let out a small giggle, Pavel returning to smiling at him. "Was that really good, Rudi?”

“You’re really stupid, Pavel.” In response, Pavel mocked being hurt.

“ _Et tu,_ Rudi?” Rudnikov lightly smacked the top of Pavel’s head, Pavel laughing as he closed his eyes again. Absentmindedly, Rudnikov began to gently run his fingers against Pavel’s scalp while he stared out onto the lake. “It’s been a while since we’ve just… spent time like this together, right _chuvak?_ ” 

“We probably won’t get too much of this in the future…” Rudnikov didn’t try to hide that the statement made him sad. He said it like they weren’t going to get to do this again at all.

_I really need to do this now._

“Rudi, what’s the matter? You’re making that face, you know, the one that looks like this.” Rudnikov looked down at Pavel, cheerfully snorting at how Pavel was mimicking, apparently, what he did when he was thinking hard about something. Rudnikov let out a sigh, closing his eyes and leaning back a little onto his free hand.

“I’m… scared, Pavel. Really scared.” Pavel looked up at Rudnikov with concern. The last time he had said that… well… he had almost lost Pavel. With the way things were going and planned, it made sense to Pavel that Rudnikov might think that they weren’t going to get to see each other again eventually. But that was so down the line? At least another two or three years before things would really start to change. 

“Of what? What are you scared about?” Rudnikov opened his eyes and stared at the wall on the other side of the room. 

“Scared that what I might do will change everything for the worst. I don’t want to fuck this up and yet I can’t stop thinking that’s exactly what I’m going to do.” Rudnikov’s voice had started to shake and his eyes were beginning to water. Pavel noticed how the hand that was in his short, brown hair had stopped moving. “But I’m also scared that if I don’t do it then I’ll just regret that. It’s all really stupid…” 

Pavel sat up, twisting himself so that he could face Rudnikov. He took Rudnikov’s hand in his and ran his thumbs gently over it. Rudnikov was crying already, his shoulders starting to heave up and down. “Hey-hey-hey, look at me, Rudi.” Pavel’s tone was filled fully with care, not wanting to do anything right now other than try and comfort his closest friend. Rudnikov didn’t look at Pavel, prompting Pavel to speak again. “Please, Rudi.” 

_Now now now now._

“Pavel I…” Rudnikov was cut off as Pavel enveloped him in a gentle hug, Pavel’s head resting over Rudnikov’s shoulder. His hands were moving up and down Rudnikov’s back soothingly. Rudnikov didn’t really know what to do but eventually wrapped himself loosely around Pavel. 

“I don’t know exactly what it is that you’re scared of doing, but whatever it is no matter what I’ll be right there next to you. I promised you’d always have me by your side, remember? That won’t ever change.” 

_I can’t take it anymore._

“Pavel I really like you.” It came out fast and almost every word slurred together, but Rudnikov couldn’t handle it. “And I don’t mean like _chuvak_ -like, I mean like how Zarina did last year when she kept following you around everywhere trying to get your—” Rudnikov kept letting words tumble out of his mouth while Pavel mentally had several different emotions swirling about in his head and in his chest. “You remember how she kept trying to get you to buy her flowers and kept ‘accidentally’ dropping her things out of reach and near you—”

“Rudi...”

“Or you know how you’d always say that you liked how the women would call you a ‘handsome young man’ and I always wanted to call you that but it felt awkward since I’m also a guy—”

“Rudi.”

“And I know that it’s really wrong to be feeling the way I do about you ‘cause that’s just not okay, ya know? The Red Line says that it isn’t okay and—”

“Yevodkim!” 

“But I've felt this way for a while and I just really don’t want this to get super weird between us ‘cause you’re probably gonna be my superior and we both know what would happen if they found out a superior was hanging out with a possible homo—”  
  
“YEVODKIM RUDNIKOV!” Rudnikov had been so concerned with getting every last drop of how he felt off his chest that he hadn’t noticed that Pavel had grown increasingly annoyed by not being allowed to get a word in. Pavel had Rudnikov at an arm’s length now, a bewildered expression across his face. Rudnikov turned away from Pavel, not wanting to think that perhaps this wasn’t the time to start talking about the unrequited feelings he had painstakingly become aware of a while ago. However, Pavel grabbed Rudnikov by his chin and turned his face back toward him. “Rudi, promise me you’ll let me speak for one moment without you retelling all my past relationship troubles.” Rudnikov nodded his head in agreement, the hand on his chin making the motion mildly painful. Pavel let out a shaky laugh before letting go of Rudnikov’s face. 

“You’re right, we do know what would happen if they found out about, er, your preferences. I don’t mind— okay, I sort of mind, maybe a lot of mind. _Blyadj._ ” Pavel was growing increasingly flustered, his previous annoyance dissipating due to his already increased heart rate. It wasn’t like Pavel hadn’t considered the possibility of being a bit more than… friends. But he was right, if the Red Line got proof or a rumour going around of either of them being involved in those kinds of acts… That was why Pavel had such a hard time grappling with how he felt about Rudnikov. He wasn’t going to outright lie and say he didn’t feel at least somewhat the same.

 _Fuck it, Rudi bit the bullet here I’ll bite one too_.

“I’m trying to say I’m cool because I like you too.” 

_Wait. That came out wrong! BLYA_ —

Rudnikov laughed, a genuine laugh. The tense, awkward mood that the two had just created disappeared almost immediately. Pavel watched, befuddled, as Rodnikov couldn’t stop laughing. Soon enough, Pavel started laughing at himself too. Why had he been so worried about how he sounded with Rudnikov of all people? Alright, his phrasing was completely off, that wasn’t new, but the meaning was still intact and true. 

“You’re really stupid, Pavel, you know that? But in like, a goofy, charming way.”

“Thank… you? I don’t know how to take that, _chuvak_.” Rodnikov had a mischievous glint in his eyes as he leaned closer to Pavel, their faces incredibly close.

“Do you know how to… take this?” The kiss was over before Pavel processed the question. Pavel blinked several times as his brain caught up to the current moment, a cocky grin coming to grow across his face. 

“I can take that just fine. Hell, I’d take another right now!” Rudnikov giggled before standing up, offering his hand to Pavel. A slight breeze blew in through the ceiling, rustling through Rudnikov’s black hair. He seemed determined all of a sudden.

“Run away with me.”

* * *

Father would sometimes say that those in love do the stupidest things. I think I know what he means now, but after staring dumbfounded at Rudi for what felt like an eternity I just couldn’t say yes. It was too stupid, even for me. Abandon the Red Line, the only home either of us had really known? Sure, staying here would mean problems for us, the new us, but trying to make it somewhere else? I don’t think we can risk that, especially not right now with how unstable things are throughout the Metro. 

The best I could offer Rudi was we could visit the topic later. Until then, though, I’d make sure no one hurt him. As long as I’m here, he’ll be safe. We’ll be safe. 


	7. How Could I Forget?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Content Warnings apply, as far as I know. If you find that something should be tagged, please let me know.

There have been many nights where I’ve wondered what would have happened if we hadn’t been caught that day. I would have tossed and turned if I could have, mulling over every small and big thing that could have happened, but… Well, let’s say someone is a bit possessive in his sleep. 

I wonder how many memories I lost with Pavel.

* * *

_ 11/06/2030 _

It’s been about two weeks since Rudi was taken. I don’t think I’ve had a good night’s sleep since that day. Every time I close my eyes I see him being held up, bloody, bruised, afraid. When my body finally falls asleep from the exhaustion of crying, I dream of him. I watch him get dragged away from me, a silent but overbearing scream calling out as I lie there on the floor, incapable of moving.

_ “You promised.” _

And then I wake up.

* * *

_ 14/06/2030 _

Father acts like nothing happened. I can’t bring myself to talk about it either, whether out of fear of what will happen to me or the fear of finding out the truth of what happened to Rudi. Sometimes, I feel like I see him, just on the edge of my vision, but he’s never there. They finally filled his home with a new family, two young girls and their parents. 

I hate them.

They don’t know what happened in that house. The nights we spent together, the way Rudi never opened the door to his father’s room after he passed, the plans we made for the future. I wonder if they fixed the dents we made acting like fools. Did they find where we hid the things we found in the tunnels? They don’t know they wake up in the very house of someone that was taken by the Red Line, the faction that they think will protect them. Will a day come when they too will lose someone to the Red Line’s ideals? A father? A daughter? A friend? A lover?

They’ll never know Rudi, but maybe they’ll know my pain.

* * *

_ 20/08/2030 _

Three months have gone by. Father’s health is declining, but he looks to last a few more seasons. People have been disappearing lately but the superiors tell us the numbers are normal for this time of year. I wonder if Rudi made it through the summer. He had to, there’s no other alternative, but I can’t help but think he’s just a number to them now. A plus-one to their missing or dead count.

He’s a lot more than just a fucking number.

* * *

_ 30/09/2030 _

The lake is no longer the same. Instead of attending training, I snuck off to take a break from keeping up a façade of wanting to lay my life down for the Red Line. The water is darker now, like it’s been tainted by something. The air feels heavy and sticks to the skin like it wants to suffocate anything that enters the area. The light that comes in from the ceiling does nothing but cast shadows that seem to move every time you look at them. Everything felt wrong.

I packed two sandwiches, both with tomatoes. They tasted like shit.

* * *

_ 02/11/2030 _

I stopped dreaming of him. For a while, I thought I stopped dreaming completely. But one night, when I couldn’t help but feel the only thing I still had left from him, I dreamt of something. I was standing there looking out into the abyss and I swore I could hear Rudi calling my name. Through the darkness I tried to find him but something kept pulling me back. Hands surrounded me, grasping and pulling me until I felt I had been swallowed by something. I remember reaching my hand out, crying out for him. It felt like an eternity before something spoke right into my ear, a deep, garble of a voice.

_ “You deserve this. _ ”

I awoke drenched in sweat.

* * *

_ 07/12/2030 _

My birthday felt empty. Not that birthdays are really celebrated here in the Red Line, but still. At least Rudi would remember. He’d say “happy birthday” at the least, unlike some people in my life. I’m not sure Father even remembers anymore.

Just another day now, I guess.

* * *

_ 04/02/2031 _

That nightmare again. I stared into the abyss and I heard his voice get closer and closer. I felt like I could reach out and grab him but then I was pulled back. The hands pulled me deep and again I desperately threw my arm out. And then, it spoke and I felt my arm get pushed down into the darkness.

_ “This is your fault. _ ”

I’m scared that the voice is right.

* * *

_ 05/02/2031 _

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. 

_ Malysh, _ please come back. Please, I’m sorry.

* * *

_ 12/02/2031 _

I suffered an injury today while training. Luckily, the Watchmen missed my eye before it was pumped full of lead. The wound’s probably going to leave a permanent scar down my face. Maybe it’ll make me look more rugged. 

He never came through that infirmary door, though. I waited until they made me leave, but he never came. I wanted someone to come in and scold me for being stupid. I wanted someone to say they couldn’t think of me getting hurt. I wanted someone to tell me they couldn’t lose me.

I wanted him to come back.

* * *

_ 28/03/2031 _

I stopped by to speak with the family that lives in Rudi’s home. The father opened the door. I asked if he’d let me in to check around Rudi’s old room, saying that I had left something behind when the last person lived here. He said no.

I punched him squarely in the face. Five times. I heard one of the little girls scream but I didn’t care. 

_ You will know my pain _ .

* * *

_ 29/03/2031 _

A month’s worth of probation. Father was furious but his health prevented him from doing anything serious. The superiors cut me a lot of slack because of his influence. 

I should have punched the fucker more.

* * *

_ 06/05/2031 _

Father died today. Dead, in his bed. “Health complications” is what they said. 

Honestly, I didn’t fucking care the reason. I didn’t even mourn my father before I dug through his things, hoping to find some shred of evidence that Rudi might still be alive or at least a clue on where to look.

Nothing.

* * *

_ 15/08/2031 _

Not that many people disappeared this summer. I wonder what changed. 

Why can’t I find anything?! Father must have known something… Perhaps his allies may know something?

* * *

_ 07/12/2031 _

He woke me up today. He said we were going to the lake and there were a few bottles of alcohol with our names on them. We’d have the whole day to try and forget the fucked up world we lived in. I couldn’t say anything in response, just lied there and stared. He did that half-smirk, the one he did when he was trying to be tough and act like he wasn’t disappointed. 

“You’re not real,” I finally said. He turned his back on me and walked to the door.

“Then find me if you can’t be happy that you still remember me at all.” He slammed the door and I woke up. 

_ I would if I could. _

* * *

_ 28/03/2032 _

Please, I know I don’t believe in any of you, but if there is someone watching over me… 

Bring him back to me. Or, let me find him. Please, something. Anything...

* * *

_ 17/07/2032 _

I’ve been promoted to Major. I was introduced to one of the informants, Yanek, after the promotion. For a moment, I thought he sounded like Rudi. He could have been one of the best informants for the Red Line; he knew better than anyone thanks to his father. He might have hated the work, but he was still damn good at it. 

But he wasn’t. And Yanek, he wasn’t Rudi.

* * *

_ 02/10/2032 _

The Comrade General was found dead and his brother has taken over. The people are expected to mourn— and they’ll probably mourn this for a long time. 

I’m just happy I get a day off.

* * *

_ 07/12/2032 _

I hadn’t had the nightmare in so long. This time, I saw him, just as the last day I saw him. Bloody, bruised, afraid. He looked so alone. And then I blinked. It was like I stared into an empty shell; there was no life in his eyes anymore. I wanted to scream, but a hand covered my mouth. He watched me disappear into the shadows, unmoving. My arm went out and he still did nothing. I tried to scream for him to help. 

_ Please, malysh, save me.  _

_ “This is your fault. _ ” He pointed at himself, but the motion was janky. It was almost like he was pulled by strings to move. He also wasn’t the one speaking, but that deep, distorted voice. “ _ You deserve this.” _

I’m not sure I’ll ever sleep on my birthday again.

* * *

_ 28/03/2033 _

I killed a man today. Something deep inside me said I killed Rudi. I could barely bring myself to check the body.

It wasn’t him.

But something in me said it might as well have been.

* * *

_ 21/10/2033 _

Someone saved me. Pinned by Reich stalkers, there was no way I would make it out alive if I tried. And yet, I heard three shots ring out across the wasted ruins. Something about those shots made me believe they were meant to save me. 

I hoped it was you,  _ solnyshko _ , that saved me. And, hey! I saw the sun for a little more that day! 

_ But if only I could have saved you, maybe you’d see it more too _ .

* * *

_ 07/12/2033 _

Despite my better judgement, I fell asleep. He was sitting there, at the edge of my bed. His body seemed fuzzy, like he was in and out of focus. He looked older but nothing else was clear. 

“Isn’t it strange?” He said, in his voice. 

“What’s strange?” I didn’t feel in control of my body.

“You don’t remember me like this, but this is what you’re seeing. Isn’t that strange?”

“I guess. Maybe I want to believe you’re here but you wouldn’t look like you did when you were younger.” I wasn’t saying any of this, but it sounded just like me. 

“Huh.” He contemplated, biting at his left cheek and furrowing his left brow more than the right. 

“You’re still not real.” I knew I said that.

“No, but I will be soon.” He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, I saw an abyss staring back.

_ “Maybe save me this time.” _

* * *

_ 04/05/2034 _

Today… Today I found him. 

Or at least, I found his tags. The person that has those tags… I don’t know who they are. They look like him, plus four or so years, but nothing about them truly tells me they’re  _ him _ . He doesn’t seem to know me anymore than a random Red Line occupant would. The chance that some random specialist I know nothing about has his tags? And has absorbed his identity? And looks like him? It has to be him, but it’s like… he’s still missing. 

I don’t know what happened to you, _malysh_ , but if this is really you…

I’ll save you this time.


	8. Aim Straight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Content Warnings apply, as far as I know. If you find that something should be tagged, please let me know.

That glass cage within my mind kept me locked away for four years. I watched as my life kept on going on, unable to do a thing about it. Then Pavel showed up and it was like I could control something. My pounding on the glass walls alerted him, it told him it was really me. 

He still couldn’t save me though, at least not by himself. And I couldn’t save him myself, either. We both got help from people we didn’t expect to.

* * *

The wasted cityscape that was the Red Square was silent besides for the winds rustling the debris throughout. Dampness clung to the air from fresh rainfall, a few nights ago the first storm in a long time filling the infertile ground with water. Around the decrepit buildings that still stood Red Line soldiers waited for the signal to fire on anyone who entered into the square. Pavel was certain that the man who had followed them in Venice would meet them here. He seemed uncertain, however, about stopping to dispatch of the man at Rudnikov’s insistence. There was an obvious divide between the two, Pavel seemingly becoming more distraught over the past days about whatever was going on with Rudnikov’s immense spells of dizziness and Rudnikov rapidly approaching a boiling point and just declaring that Pavel was trying to jeopardize the mission.

Rudnikov stood off a fair distance from the square, his sniper rifle positioned to take out anyone who made it past being surrounded by a firing squad. From his vantage point, he could see Pavel pacing back and forth, his gas mask atop his head as he bit at his thumb. Rudnikov followed him through his lens, debating the believability of his assumptive weavings of Pavel’s betrayal to one of the Red Line’s most decisive and important blows to the Metro’s opposing forces. If Rudnikov had more evidence, perhaps he could make a case, but to kill a comrade, especially one as important as Pavel, would take a lot more than what Rudnikov had to offer. As well, his head ached at the very thought of edging his finger onto the trigger of the rifle and pulling it. What did Pavel know? What was he capable of? 

Pavel practically jumped as the warning signal went out that someone was entering into the Red Square. Rudnikov’s vision flicked from Pavel to the surrounding areas, trying to ensure that no one was attempting to flank from the surrounding ruins. The likelihood that the Ranger in question would come alone seemed impossibly low, but Rudnikov found no one. Perhaps they were lying in wait for their own signal? Focusing back to where Pavel had been, Rudnikov noticed he had left the area already, probably to greet and antagonize the man one last time. As if on cue, Pavel’s voice was carried through the air, his tone exaggeratedly intense. Soon after, the sounds of gunfire erupted.

* * *

Several minutes of being fired on and returning concentrated, knowing shots passed. Artyom barely registered the passage of time as he went under the influence of the Dark One. Eventually, the Dark One picked up no one but Pavel, roaring out at Artyom to continue fighting like a man. Without hesitation, Artyom followed after Pavel, the two trading bursts of gunfire as they ascended into the ruins of the Red Square. As they reached the top of the building’s remaining floors, the Dark One spoke in that straightforward, almost childish way he did.

“Artyom. I sense someone else. Far. Hidden. Forgotten. I will take care of them.”

“Are you sure you can handle that?” Artyom replied in his head, the Dark One able to hear his thoughts. A moment of silence hung between them as Artyom hid from a string of bullets coming from Pavel.

“Yes.” The Little One was direct and Artyom could see the small Dark One appear and disappear across the way from where Artyom was fighting Pavel. “I will be careful.”

* * *

Rudnikov listened to the ensuing gunfight, noting how the number of bursts lessened minute after minute. Eventually, only two remained and they were becoming increasingly closer to where he was positioned. Pavel scrambled up the stairs to the open area that Rudnikov watched over, turning to hastily unleash shots down the staircase. To think that a pack of Red Line soldiers would fall so easily to a singular Ranger. Perhaps that was the reason that the Red Line always advised extreme caution when dealing with missions involving the Rangers. They only had one spy working in the Ranger’s ranks, Lesnitsky, but several others in the other factions. Rudnikov mulled over his positioning, thinking perhaps a more forward spot would have been better than at the rear. A flash caught his eye as he swore he saw something move along the rooftop of the adjacent section of the building. 

The sound of rubble moving around in the room alerted Rudnikov before he could see who was ambushing him. There was no way it was a human because they couldn’t traverse the ruins that quickly and the only way in was either directly in front of him or through the blocked entrance. Rolling over to possibly avoid a shot through his back, Rudnikov drew his pistol from his side and aimed. A small, dark red creature stood before him, its green eyes watching tentatively to Rudnikov’s movements. It leapt from its position as Rudnikov fired, its long, gangly limbs allowing it to maneuver around the room and out of the way of Rudnikov’s continued fire. Its body flickered into a trail of black smoke, lifting into the air and out of the room. Rudnikov quickly stood up, keeping his weapon drawn and prepared to fire once the creature appeared again. The sensation of being hunted made Rudnikov turn around in time to witness the creature leap at him, knocking his pistol from his grip. The two crashed onto the floor, Rudnikov pushing with one hand to lift the creature off of him while also grabbing for the combat knife at his thigh. As he pulled the blade from its sheath, preparing to plunge it deep into the creature’s neck, the world went black and all he could hear was an almost child-like voice.

“You are… Afraid. Alone…” The space around Rudnikov echoed with the sound of whoever was speaking. The creature appeared before him, its green eyes bright against the complete darkness. 

“Afflicted.”

It felt like water rushed around him, pulling Rudnikov under and along with the crashing current. His vision blurred, watching as several people and places blended together as if they were happening there at once. The creature stood there, unmoving, unaffected by the forces that were affecting Rudnikov. Eventually, the feeling of being carried away subsided and Rudnikov gasped as he felt like he had resurfaced from almost drowning. Instead of darkness, he stood in an old room, a small lantern atop a wooden desk the only thing illuminating the space. Against the wall was a bed, two young men closely lying together, one entwined in the other’s arms. The one closest to Rudnikov had black hair that fell to the sides, his face contorted as if he had been crying for a long time. 

“Don’t ever let me go, please?” The crying one said, his voice soft but full of sadness. The man lying next to him pulled him closer, nuzzling his face deeper into the crying one’s neck.

“I’d never let you go. We’re in this together; all for one, one for all. Always.” 

“Do you remember this?” The voice of the creature said, Rudnikov turning to see it standing in the doorway. 

“I don’t… know…” Rudnikov replied.

It grabbed at his wrist, gently pulling Rudnikov to follow him. On the other side of the doorway, Rudnikov walked into an infirmary, several green cots placed throughout. A single cot was occupied by a young man, his face hidden by the shadows of the dimly lit room. Another young man sat just off to the side of the cot, his head hung over and his shoulders bobbing with the sound of crying. 

“I know we’re young, I know we’ll do dumb things, but please… never do something like that again…” The crying man spoke a name but it came out garbled. The room looked like it shook as a ringing filled the air. Rudnikov closed his eyes, trying to will the pain away, and when he opened them again a new scene had appeared. A young adult man sat against the wall of an alcove in the tunnels, the only light in the area a small, portable lamp by the man’s side. He had his knees to his chest, his hands wrapped around them and holding onto a pen and a small, leather-bound journal. Silent tears rolled down his indiscernible face as he whimpered to himself.

“He’s no longer the same… This is all my fault…”

Rudnikov felt his heart stop, but he didn’t understand why. He didn’t know this man; he had never witnessed this. The creature tugged at his wrist again, Rudnikov turning to see the bright green eyes staring back at him. “Do you remember who this is?”

“No, I don’t… Wait…” Hesitation sat at the edge of Rudnikov’s throat like the feelings he couldn’t seem to keep down. Why did he feel as if he was choking, not from the air, but from sadness? Why did he want to embrace the man that was suffering in front of him? The creature pulled him away, the cries stopping as they walked away. The two entered into a large opening, the smell and taste of the damp underground filling Rudnikov’s senses. Rudnikov watched as two probably-teenagers sat together, their hands behind them but merely centimeters apart. One fell backwards, revealing his brown eyes filled with exhaustion as one of his arms cradled his head from the grimy stone underneath.

“I don’t get why you won’t take this as seriously as me,” he said, his tone angry and displeased. His companion turned around in place to face him, but again his face was indiscernible. However, his voice felt familiar and Rudnikov swore he felt the boy touch his hand as he touched his companion's.

“I just don’t get why we have to think about the past and future so much! Why can’t we just live in the moment right now?” 

“Is that…?” Rudnikov pondered aloud, watching as the two silently argued. The creature pulled again and next thing he knew they were outside, watching as the same two seemed to be practicing something. One held up a board of wood and the other one held his fists up as if ready to punch. 

“Look, _chuvak_ , if you don’t aim straight at it, you’re never going to break it.” 

Rudnikov felt the tears roll down his face before he even completely understood what was going on. The scene immediately melted away, a dimly lit room coming into focus. Rudnikov could feel that he was sitting down as a man wiggled a syringe and bottle in front of.

“Tell me: what do you remember?” The creature appeared behind the man, its eyes staring past Rudnikov and straight into his soul.

“Do you remember now? You are not alone.”

It felt like a cage had been opened and all that had been locked away came flooding out. How could he have forgotten? No, he hadn’t forgotten, simply forced into not remembering. The weight of the words that fell from Rudnikov’s mouth seemingly shattered the reality around them as everything returned to darkness again.

“I remember Pavel.”

* * *

Pavel struggled against the hands that pulled at him, the blood-red light bathing over him as the cries of the damned called out. He could hear their confusion, their despair, their complete helplessness. He also felt all of it, fruitlessly trying to break himself free of their grasp. This was worse than his nightmare, far worse, because it felt real. Each hand, each voice, each forceful tug pulling him into the darkness. The tears running down his face were real. The way his throat grew sore with each scream he let out was real. The feeling of having no hope left was real.

“You deserve this.”

“This is your fault.”

“No one will save you.”

Pavel couldn’t tell if the statements came from the voices or from himself, but what did it matter anyway. He knew he was going to die here. This wasn’t a nightmare, this was his personal hell. Perhaps he was already dead and this was just a sick feat by the afterlife he denied the existence of. Pavel closed his eyes tightly, letting one last sentiment fall from his lips as he felt himself get pulled in deep. He didn’t feel the need to throw his arm out in one last ditch effort to believe in his own salvation.

“Rudi… I’m sorry.”

Something, no someone, grabbed Pavel by his jacket straps and pulled with all their strength to lift him out of the clinging darkness. Pavel could feel them pull him out and take a hold of him. The nightmare experience taxed Pavel of all his energy to stay awake, but he opened his eyes for just a fleeting moment. Before him, cradling him, was Rudnikov, a gentle expression on his face. He smiled at Pavel, his voice sounding distant as Pavel drifted off to sleep.

“Sorry for what?”

_Everything..._

* * *

I do not know why, but I let Pavel and his comrade go. The Dark One told me that his comrade was of no threat, that he had remembered everything. I didn’t ask any questions, watching as he placed a new filter into Pavel’s mask and lifted him onto his back. With only a thank you to me and the Dark One, he vanished into the ruins of the Red Square. I hope I do not come to regret trusting the Dark One, but he has not led me astray yet.


	9. Redeemed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Content Warnings apply, as far as I know. If you find that something should be tagged, please let me know.

Free. I was free. 

But Pavel, I needed to free him too.

* * *

As the late night air crept into every conceivable opening in their clothes, Rudnikov carried Pavel, unconscious and breathing lightly, through the desolate ruins of Moscow. Albeit the newfound control over his body, Rudnikov was still bound by the outstanding mission he had been given. He wanted to run far away from the Metro, take to the wild and hope for the best in the hellscape of warfare-ridden Russia. But, despite everything, Rudnikov knew that wasn’t the right course of action. They were in no shape to flee into the night with only the guiding of the stars; they’d survive maybe a few days before they had no rations, ammunition, or filters left. The only course of action Rudnikov could think of, then, was to pass off that Pavel and the rest of the appointed squadron had been killed in action. A Ranger ambush from a possible information leak in Venice was believable. The only difficult part would be getting Pavel somewhere safe, out of the eyes and ears of the Red Line’s, for the foreseeable future. A neutral outpost was perhaps an hour away, and currently being over-encumbered with Pavel it would likely take two. A labored sigh came from Rudnikov as he hoisted Pavel better on his back and continued on.

The two hours passed quietly, Rudnikov’s arms aching from carrying Pavel through several variations of rough and hard-to-navigate areas. When he arrived before the large metal gate that blocked the entrance into the Metro, Rudnikov carefully placed Pavel down onto the ground, leaning him against the wall near the entrance. He dug his hand around the collar of Pavel’s jacket, trying to find the chain holding his dog tags. Pulling them out from beneath the man’s layers, Rudnikov removed the chain from around Pavel’s neck. Pocketing them, Rudnikov dug through his inner pockets and produced a spare set of dog tags meant for when Rudnikov went about infiltrating the Hanza ranks. It didn’t quite match Pavel’s information but it would keep him safe long enough for Rudnikov to call in a favor from someone in Polis after he found his escape from the Red Line’s grasp. That was, however, if he found one. Rudnikov gently put the new tags on Pavel, letting them rest against the chest of his jacket. From another pocket, Rudnikov pulled a small notebook and pen and began hastily writing out quick instructions to Pavel for when he awoke. 

_Pavel,_

_I had to leave you here for your safety. I’ll be reporting back to the Red Line that our squadron had been wiped out by a Ranger ambush, me being the only survivor. I’ve taken your dog tags to hopefully rid them of any doubt about the legitimacy of my claims. For the time being, until I come back to you, your name is Anton Ledovsky of Hanza. If you can, make your way to Polis and find a man named Niko; he frequents the bar, large, looks as if he could wrestle two bears. Tell him “By fire we are born anew.” He’ll keep you safe until I return. I will return, I promise._

_Yours,_

_Rudi_

Rudnikov ripped the page from his notebook and folded it into Pavel’s hand, making sure that Pavel’s hand kept tightly closed until he awoke. Pavel jolted in his sleep, startling Rudnikov, but he soon fell back to gently breathing. Rudnikov checked Pavel’s filter, ensuring it would last if no one was around to immediately open the entrance. Running his thumb over Pavel’s cheek, Rudnikov stood up and slammed his fist against the button that would alert the inside someone was seeking entry. With one last longing glance, Rudnikov took back off into the ruins of Moscow, aiming to get to the entrance of D6 before Korbut’s plan fully set into motion.

* * *

The tunnel leading straight into D6 was incredibly silent despite the large number of troops and weaponry that occupied it. Rudnikov snaked his way around the masses of soldiers talking amongst themselves or idly standing around awaiting further orders. Korbut would be spearheading the operation, his arrogance likely at its fullest currently; there was no way he wouldn’t witness the invasion into D6 from afar. Rodnikov finally emerged from the sea of soldiers to a small collection of high ranking commanders and Korbut himself, probably discussing the finer details of the operation. Rudnikov clutched Pavel’s dog tags in his pocket, feeling the scratches in the metal. Although Pavel wasn’t here, Rudnikov felt like he was. 

_“Just put on your best act and they’ll eat from your hands, chuvak. Tell them what they want to hear.”_

“Comrade General Korbut,” Rudnikov started as he gave a small, formal salute, his face losing all indication that he felt anything about what was about to happen. The general turned his attention away from the soldiers, coming to focus on Rudnikov and warily scanning around him. “I’ve come to report back for further instructions.”

“Where is Comrade Major Morozov?” Korbut questioned. “For a matter of fact, where is the entire squadron that was left under your command?” Falling out of the salute, Rudnikov pulled the tags from his pocket and handed them over to Korbut.

“I regret to inform you that the squadron was wiped out by a Ranger ambush. I was able to secure Comrade Major Morozov’s dog tags before escaping. The virus has also been placed, as originally instructed.” He hadn’t; Rudnikov hid the virus back in the ruins of the Red Square. “I put forth my deepest apologies for the blunder regarding my fellow comrades’ lives, Comrade General.” Korbut looked over the dog tags before sneering, tossing the tags back at Rudnikov forcefully.

“A Ranger ambush… Fuck! I knew Morozov would screw this plan up… At least we still have you, Specialist Rudnikov. For now, you’ll accompany me when we secure D6.” Korbut turned back to the commanders, giving them quick instructions to begin the preparations; they’d be beginning in less than five minutes. Rudnikov followed slightly behind Korbut as they walked farther back into the tunnel, away from where the majority of the fighting would happen. There would be bloodshed, lots of it. How many lives would be lost here today, all in the name of struggling for power? 

_At least six. Korbut’s plus the five commanders, if the Rangers didn’t kill them first that is._

* * *

The fighting lasted for well over ten minutes, the Rangers doing well to keep back the heavy influx of Red Line combatants from pushing quickly into D6. However, even with a defensive setup and taking down the Red Line’s biggest artillery, there was little chance for them to successfully fend off the pure quantity of soldiers prepared to die for this operation. Korbut gave the signal, ordering the few commanders that did not enter the fray themselves and Rodnikov to begin moving in. The decisive blow to the Rangers had been a swift, destructive strike to their last hold. As Rudnikov walked through the smoldering hole in the entrance to D6, he couldn’t help but notice the carnage that was left in the wake of the battle. Heavy-combat soldiers filed in behind the high-ranking group, Korbut taking the lead as he arrogantly strode through the wreckage. Eventually, he stopped, noting the severely wounded commander of the Rangers, Miller, lying on the ground missing part of one of his legs and one of his feet. Rudnikov noticed Artyom lying just off to the side of Miller and drew his gun on him as he approached. Korbut busied himself with taunting the panting Miller while Rudnikov bent down to try and speak with Artyom. 

“If you have a plan to stop this, I’ll buy you long enough to do it,” Rudnikov whispered to Artyom. Artyom glanced over to a device that appeared to be operational, a knob and several green lights adorning it. A large-scale bomb detonator. Rudnikov closed his eyes for a moment, fretting that he had just signed away his life. Letting out a slow huff of air, Rudnikov continued talking, a small smile of acceptance on his face. “On my signal, detonate it.” Artyom nodded, trying to quietly move over to reach for the knob. Korbut turned away from Miller to notice Rudnikov and Artyom. 

“And who might this be? Ahhh… the resourceful young man. Tell me, Artyom, “Savior of the Metro”... where are you going?” Rudnikov stood up, watching as Artyom followed him up with his eyes. With a small nod of his head, Rudnikov turned and pointed his gun at Korbut. The world seemed to slow down as Rudnikov aimed, the air growing incredibly tense. From the corner of his vision, Rudnikov could see Artyom reach for the knob on the detonator. The ring of the shot echoed in the metal corridor, the sound of it being the first of a chain reaction of screams and gunshots. Korbut’s head slowly snapped back from the bullet through his skull, the creature Rudnikov had fought before appearing before him. It reached over the detonator and pulled Artyom’s hand from the knob. For a moment, it felt like Rudnikov could hear the creature speaking to Artyom.

“No need for that now.” The creature turned to Rudnikov, its green eyes looking deep into him. 

“Go… You are redeemed.”

* * *

Pavel sat on the small bed that he was given in the backroom of Niko’s storehouse, reading over the instructions that Rudnikov had left him for the umpteenth time. It had been probably four or so days since he had arrived in Polis and found Niko exactly where Rudnikov said he would be. The man definitely looked like he could wrestle two bears, maybe even three, and at the mention of the code phrase hurriedly downed his drink and took Pavel to where he was now. Niko had said that Pavel would be safe, that he owed Rudnikov several favors after what he had supplied the man with over the two years they had business. Pavel wanted to ask what Rudnikov had done, but the large man simply told Pavel to rest and await Rudnikov’s return. He’d have food brought three times a day, but not to expect any of it to be hot or particularly good-tasting. Pavel couldn’t argue; this man was doing more for him than any should have been for a complete stranger. 

The sound of quick, light footsteps started to come from the storeroom, another set of heavy, slower steps just behind them. Pavel’s heart raced and his body stood without thinking. His hands gripped tightly at the piece of paper, about tearing it in two. The door to the backroom swung open and a blur of a man entered the room. Pavel was swept up into a tight hug, his arms returning the embrace just as quickly as the tears that were already falling down his face. 

“I’m back, I'm back just like I promised. I hope I didn't keep you waiting.” Pavel pulled Rudnikov closer, a smile breaking out on his face.  
  
"I'd wait forever if I knew you'd come back to me, _malysh._ "

* * *

He’s back, the real Rudi. 

He’s finally back…


	10. A New Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Content Warnings apply, as far as I know. If you find that something should be tagged, please let me know.

_ 13/05/2034 _

I took him in my arms for the first time again. Niko had all but said that he had made it to Polis before I was running to get to him. My only obstacle was that Niko obviously locked his storeroom. Gladly, he had rushed after me when I took off, otherwise I would have shouldered the door open by force. Niko laughed that deep, hearty laugh he had as he opened the door just enough that I could slip through; he hadn’t even taken the keys out of the lock yet. I knew exactly where to go, exactly where he’d be. 

I knew, from the moment I held him, that I loved him just as much as I had before. It felt like nothing had changed, well, besides the kilograms he had put on and maybe the scar near his left brow. I scolded him about it and he just laughed. 

I missed him so much.

* * *

_ 15/05/2034 _

Rudi spoke with Niko today. Apparently Niko was a neutral informant and worked in keeping the various information flowing between the factions in one place. The Red Line suffered a major blow from the unsuccessful siege on D6. General Moskvin was spared after providing a case that he was under the control of General Korbut. It looks the Red Line won’t fall because of this, but the power dynamic of the Metro has shifted out of their favour. 

Niko got both of us new dog tags, ones that declared us now citizens of Polis. Rudi said Niko had a lot of connections from his work, pulling a few strings here and there to get us citizenship. We’ll be free to move about the Metro soon, but more importantly, we’ll be free to live our lives without the pressure of the Red Line on our backs. 

Our lives! Our! Together, just like we had planned.

* * *

_ 27/06/2034 _

Artyom was in Polis today, apparently trying to settle some tensions still held among the other factions. He was quiet just as he had been, but his eyes showed that he was smiling deeply at what I told him. We spent hours, him sitting there listening as I rambled on about how Rudi and I had been doing. Rudi had secured us a flat and was working alongside Niko while I was off doing the oddball job here and there. I had been to the Library, the ruins awe-inspiring. I tried to get Artyom to talk, but he just let me keep on talking.

Eventually, Artyom stood and patted my shoulder, saying that he was happy that I was doing well. It made me realize: it was strange for him to be so forgiving, and I guess that I had so quickly assumed he was a friend. But, it looks like we’re still musketeers enough to speak on good terms.

Hope we’ll talk again soon. Rudi would like him, I bet.

* * *

_ 19/08/2034 _

After a lot of work, I think Niko and I have countered any remaining information that Pavel and I are alive. The information on me was easy enough to dissuade as so little existed on me already; Pavel, however, was a bit more difficult. He was a bit more recognizable and known around the other factions thanks to his position, but a few counter-rumours and faked documents from the Red Line made him more or less disappear fully. The important people of Polis and others, like Artyom or key informants, know about us but the rest of the Metro will soon forget us, if they knew us at all. 

I believe this is our new beginning.

* * *

_ 07/12/2034 _

I woke up to Rudi kissing me, reminding me that today was my birthday. He said we should go out for the day, escape the city life for a bit. I laughed, asking if he wanted to run away again. 

“No, I don’t want to be anywhere but safe here in your arms.”

The love I felt for him, the love he felt for me. I swore it was like nothing else mattered.

* * *

_ 06/01/2035 _

We found a new place to spend our time off at. It’s not the lake, but it’s far less likely either of us will have to endure a stray Watchmen attack. I found it while I was out on an eradication mission; it’s a bit out of the way but something seemed to pull me towards it. Rudi laughed when I told him that what drew me to this place was him saying he wanted to escape the city life. I even offered to build a home here if he wanted; our own little hideaway. 

The way he smiled and looked at me, I couldn’t help but love him more. And yet, me feeling like I knew all the ways he could make my heart beat fast, he surprised me.

“I’m already home. Wherever you are is my home.”

I think I’ll marry him soon.

* * *

_ 28/03/2035 _

It was an elaborate goose chase to finally get to the end of what Pavel had planned for my birthday. Honestly, with the work Niko and I had been getting I had just about forgotten. But Niko insisted I take the day off and next thing I knew I was running around Polis trying to figure out where his notes were leading me. Finally, when I got right back to Niko, him leading me to the backroom of his storeroom, I didn’t quite know what to expect.

Pavel asked me to marry him. He knew it was still taboo for us to exist, but he didn’t care. He said nothing should stop him from showing how deeply he felt about me and that nothing should stop me either. 

I couldn’t say anything but yes.

* * *

_ 28/03/2035 _

He said yes. He said yes! 

We carved into our dog tags again. This time, instead of a smiley, I left a heart. It might have been cliché, but he did too.

_ 02/11/2038 _

I don’t know what I would have done with my life had I never met Pavel. When I wake up next to him, I know nothing but happiness. The way he smiles, his laugh, his goofy exaggerations and sense of humour. I love everything about him, and I know he feels the same way towards me. 

Our lives have been steady. Artyom left three years ago on the Aurora to find a new home outside the Metro. He offered us a spot, but Pavel and I had to decline. It might not be the most luxurious life to have but we’re happy just to be together, to fall asleep and wake up each day in each others’ arms.

The story of our lives has so many pages left to fill, and I know that we’ll have a happy ending, no matter what stands in our ways. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the ride! 
> 
> From the Red Line with love,
> 
> ♥ R & P ♥


End file.
